we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
