If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
