I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
