Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
