anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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