I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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