you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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