even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
