In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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