Pappa wants mamma naked
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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