party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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