Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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