he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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