I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
