theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
