Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
