I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
