I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
