just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
