i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's blow job season.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
