Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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