dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Drake has all the answers
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
