we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
