Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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