I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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