it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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