Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
