Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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