dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
