Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
