my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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