did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
