i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
