Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it's like iHOP with fire
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
