I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The air was thick with penises
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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