dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
