I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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