We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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