i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
