i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How does it feel to date your dad?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
