you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Are we still banned from the library?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
