Can i not drive my cunt home
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
