I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
