UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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