The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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