dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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