Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
