He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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