So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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