He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she peed on how many people?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
