Michael Bay diarrhea
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
