god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
