the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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