There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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