theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
